The 'Tracy Diaries Part 25

Dharamshala Travel Blog

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A bedroom window view (partial) that reminds me of Thailand because of the banana tree!

TLC, Dharamsala, India.

This morning I woke groggy and neutral minded. Until I allowed an emotion get the better of me.

As I was stood outside with Koi and the puppy. Koi started barking at a young Tibetan male from the balcony above-opposite, he was watching us for a good half minute (making me feel rather uncomfortable. Especially as I looked back at him, cocked my head, expecting him to say something and he carried on looking, beside one of the Tibetan males that uses the shower (that I was told was only for use of the apartments either side of mine and this one).He said something about the puppy which I could not hear.

"Pardon?" I said

"This puppy has skin disease, should not be here," he said.

" I have medication." I replied, not knowing anything educated to say that would drop his defensive attitude. Even though I myself was feeling quite defensive and guarded about the dogs (yes, because of attachment!)

I started to head back into the apartment when Why-Why appeared upstairs, "Let Koi off-I’ll go and shut the gate."

I immediately replied,"Actually I don’t want to, we’re getting too much attention already," as I pointed up to the lads.

I got back into the apartment, feeling like a prisoner. Trouble being, I have sentenced myself! By allowing the narrow mindedness or ignorance of others to affect me. This mind is so easliy influenced in areas it is not well educated in. Therefore I must learn,read,reflect and maditate on the Dhamma/Dharma.

I’ve no one else to blame but myself for being wihdrawn. I cannot continue to say," I was stared at as a child, I used to hide behind my mothers legs when anyone paid me attention, I didn’t like being touched by strangers saying how beautiful I was and how different my twin was to me. I cannot keep feeling like I did when I was 5 or 6 years old! How childish is that?

This mind definitely needs retraining alright! So when someone pays me attention, touches me, stares at me, I can no longer feel uncomfortable and uneasy. If I learn to cut these emotions of fear,self-centredness, from where they start and instead, correct the other person in a manner they will realise what they are doing, ie staring, can make someone very/over sensitive feel very uncomfortable and in my case, like others, have a detrimental effect for years on end! Some effects last a lifetime, become tendencies to naturally react in such a way, which can in turn , be passed on to our children through learned behaviour. How complex is life???????????????????????????????????????????

But, HOW do I learn this, the way to overcome a specific problem such as oversensitivity?

I must:

    • Digest on this subject.
        • Look for appropriate texts and verses in Buddhist books.
          • Bukkyo Dendo Kyokai ‘The Teaching of Buddha’
            • There are certain fables, stories and chapters that are appropriate.
          • Shantideva ‘The Way of the Bodhisattva
            • Verses
          • Gyalsey Thokmay Sangpo ‘37 Practices of a Bodhisattva’
            • Verses
    • Attend as many of the philosophy classes at the library as possible
    • Reflect upon what I have absorbed
    • Meditate
    • Always be polite, courteus and respectful to those who seek to disparage us

DARMA :Digest-Attend-Reflect-Meditate-Always

4 Maybe I should come up with a list of emotions that cause ‘problems’ for me and create a whole selection of helpful text that will help me at times of need, seems like a jolly good idea to me. Saves me scouring the texts as I am now to self help!

The obvious problems will be:

    • Sensitivity, getting emotional and emotionaly hurt often
    • Ego, ‘this is mine, how dare they touch it’ ‘leave ME alone’
    • Anger, ‘I’ll ‘brain’ you!’ ‘GRRRR’
    • Organisation, ‘I MUST do this, sometime’

Class was pretty apt today. Geshe La recited Aryadevas chapter 5, verse 111 which is about being ‘especially compassionate towards the unwise.

This basically meant being more forgiving, more tolerant and having more time to try to help the unwise, or persons having mental afflictions. So when someone like me is having a tantrum, an almost enlightened person would afford me more compassion, even though I might ask the same questions, make the same mistakes time and again, they would never give up on me!

After class I popped to the nearest shop and internet to buy food and check emails.I felt better after printing off a sample of Daily Routine from the U Panditarama Lumbini International Meditation Centre. This Burmese meditation centre is a Monastery in Lumbini (where Shakyamuni Buddha was born in Deer Park). Tim and I have been there before.

Lumbini: If you imaging Hyde Park on a smaller scale, with squirrels,birds and spotted deer roaming around, a little brook running through it and a Buddhist Stupa where you can sit, meditate and the animals will come up to you! Well, they did for us anyway. We found it so peaceful there.

I was making food for the puppies this evening and a thought came to me.

If people are disparaging me I should not fight with them or ignore them or rise above them.

I should still be polite and courteus.

I should let it go.

IT meaning the immediate anger/resentment inside when someone speaks.

If someone points out an obvious ‘wrong’ I am doing and it IS wrong, I should be greatful as there is an opportunity to change my ways.

It is like the hypothetical exapmle from Shantideva’s text, ‘If a man beats me with a stick, it is not the stick that is the problem, likewise, if a man is angry with me, it is not the man that is the problem, but the emotion within’.

That’s one thing I appreciate about Buddhism, getting to the root of our problems;

    1. understanding what is happening to us,
    2. why it is happening to us,
    3. what we can do to stop it,
    4. and the way to stop it happening to us.

(Rather like the Four Noble Truths!)

Full moon tomorrow so have to re-shave my hair. Done.No.1

Tired eyes at 2000hrs.

Wonder what will happen tomorrow!

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A bedroom window view (partial) th…
A bedroom window view (partial) t…
photo by: jeaniejeanie