I stretched out and yawned as I looked over the terrace at the lawn browning in the morning sun. Another morning in Issan, my mind was like a muddy bog my shirtless back was sweating. The calls of birds filled the air but my mind was lost on other things. I was supposed to be taking time off to relax with my girlfriend but Sai had been acting weird these days. The other night she did her nut when I told her I wasn’t going to stay in Thailand. “You just don’t want to stick to anything. You got no sense of commitment, you’re afraid of it.” “Oh, that is so cliché. Give me a break” I wasn’t ready to stop here, there was just so much more in the world for a man with my vision. “You know, I’ve been hearing things about you” she looked suspiciously, “from my friends.” “So what? I don’t ask you about what you’re up to” unfortunately I’d picked up on some macho attitudes upcountry, “I don’t have time for these petty jealousies.” In the end she’d come around and we’d be happy for a time until something else came up.

I was standing there scratching myself and thinking how futile it all was when she came out from behind me and put her arms around me. Her head leaned softly against my shoulder as I tensed up straight and tried to act nonchalant. ‘Man, this isn’t going to easy to leave’ I thought.

I never thought much of Khon Kaen before it was always just a dusty ugly little city with lots of small brown people. But now everything took on a new look. Walking down the wet markets with her at my side all the stalls started to come to life. The pawnshops started to take on new glitter the townhouse facades a new shade of colour. The steep slants of the tin roofs and curved trellis works became more noticeable. The noise and bustle of schoolchildren and tuk-tuks zipping by added new life and vibrancy to my weary soul. I turned and looked at her, she smiled at my eyes. I took her hand led her away.

We stepped into a local hotel. There was a shifty old Caucasian man with a beard and pony tail lounging around the lobby. He was wearing a tropical shirt and eyed Sai as we walked past him to get the room key. The stairs, doors and walls were all dark hardwood.

Inside the room was an attached shower, a little girl with white teeth came to give me clean towels. It was a bit dodgy but exciting nonetheless. I pulled apart the blinds and looked out the dust-covered window as I unbuttoned my shirt. The shower was tepid and brackish but the linens were clean. The bed was creaked and the walls were thin and rattled. We were swept away in high passion…

 When I awoke I lay for awhile gazing at her sleeping form. She was firm and sleek her black hair flowed over her dark skin. She slowly woke as I reached out and touched her.

Hanging on the song-teow on the road back I hardly noticed the heat and dust. I was in a blissful daze. She looked pleased enough to purr. As the sun set we sat in a gazebo jutting out over a small lake. Frogs peered out from between the lily pads making small ripples in the still surface. Apart from an old gardener we were alone in this private garden. I talked about wild things. About going out to live in the jungle or in a village in Cambodia. “We wouldn’t need walls. At night we’d just pull down the reed mats..”

The air was thick and balmy. The palms and fruit trees were heavy with fragrance. Everything was calling me to stay. She had love in her brown eyes desire on her moist lips. Right then to me she personified this magical land. Full of spice and passion, ripe with tropical appeal. I was in love with her. I was in love with Thailand.

“Stay… stay..” the whispers grew louder till they filled my ears. I could almost feel the crawling vines wrap their tendrils around me. My strength would be sapped from me. Pleasure and ease would creep on me like red ants bite me off piece by piece, pick me up and carry me away. All the while a smile would be on my face and dreams in my mind. This was a precarious position. I was getting this picture of myself lying on an air mattress floating downstream gazing at fleecy clouds all the while drifting to the point of no return. Besides this sense of foreboding it was all like a wonderful dream. If only this sweet syrupy daze would last longer.    

Traveling long distances by bus in Thailand was something I was getting used to. I had taken a break from living in business hotels and visiting small townsfolk to visit Sai in Issan. The trip from Chiang Mai to Khon Kaen took 12 hours plenty of time to think and meditate. As we passed the endless flooded northern plains I stared blankly at the Thai MTV.

The favored musical style in the countryside is Look-tueng. A type of Thai country music recorded with electronic instruments. The music is a dreadful wheezing on a bamboo organ flute (SEA instrument like a panpipe in a bundle instead of a row) and synthesized beats. The singing is even worse ranging from a nasal rap to outright whining. I didn’t understand the lyrics but I followed the dramatic acting, which were the standard soap opera plots. 

One song shows a renegade country girl run off to the city and become a prostitute then come crying back to mum a sort of prodigal daughter story. Next song shows a brave Thai country boy leaving his lover to fight the rebels down south he gets killed in battle and an officer gives a folded flag to the crying girl. Next song extolls the joys of country life, a young man spends his days farming and eating yummy roast rats in the field while getting a handsome tan. He comes to the city in the harvest to sell his grain and buy a clock radio, which makes him the most eligible village bachelor. He catches the eye of a pretty country bird and drives off with her on his new tractor. I guess these songs appeal to the native Thais who long to preserve their sabai-sabai hammock sleeping lifestyle in the face of rapid modernization. One thing for sure the lyrics are about easily identifiable subjects in their everyday lives.

I thought about my life recently.  My relationship with Sai was getting deeper every other week when she would come to Bangkok to see me. Those were good times we had with Ken Sunny and us. The last time she came we all went downtown to see some friends. Tom and Patricia were “two young kids having a baby together” Ken told me on the song-teow. Sure enough we found the two young turtle doves cuddling like satisfied bunnies. “Wow you look ready to bust!” Ken almost yelled at her, she giggled at that. The girls cooed over her as the guys just fidgeted with straws. Tom was like a chubby little schoolboy all shaven headed and pink he looked so much the Brit. Over some pizzas we talked about past lives and future plans. “I can’t really place where you’re from.” I said to Pat. “Well, my bio-dad is European and my mum is Thai.” “Really? You look full white.” “Did you grow up here?” “No I was living for some years in Ukraine.” “No kidding? That sounds cool.” “Oh it is. Ukraine is the best! Just love it!” “Then why are you here?” “Well..I was going to return but..plans have changed” She rubbed her teenage oven and leaned over on Tom. They were both grinning like leprechauns and then they started snogging it was almost sickening. “Damn brats” Ken muttered. “What about you?” she asked after she had gained her composure. “Oh, I like Thailand!” I said and put my arm heavily around Sai. “I can see that” she winked, “why don’t you stay?” “Well.. I don’t know if I can…” alarm bells started ringing in my head, ‘No…way..’ I thought as I looked across at this lovey-dovey impregnated pair. “I said, why not?” I jolted “Uh..yes? Why not what?” “Why can’t you stay?” Sai was searching my eyes. “It’s complicated” I assured them, “I don’t think I’ll be fully challenged here” By this time all the guys were sitting there with their arms complacently around their girlfriends, “Come, let’s go and do some shopping cart joust.”

The bus slowed down as we winded through a narrow mountain road that went higher and higher into the mists. All around was dense jungle the most lush verdure. The dark green mountains rose sharply the mists covered steep vales. This was the wild Khao Yai National Park. Soon we were swallowed up in the vastness of the forest and I was again lost in my thoughts.

“There’s a youth program done by some friends of mine up in Khon Kaen. Ken and I are going you wanna come with?” Sunny asked me, “you can meet my sister” she added with a wink. After being in Bangkok for awhile I thought a breath of fresh air in the country would good, actually I also was kinda curious about the sister.

So off I went along with Ken Sunny and her brother to Morchit bus terminal to catch the bus to Khon Kaen in Issan province. We pulled out of Bangkok about 2pm and arrived in Khon Kaen there late at night. On the way we passed Korat the only sizable city along the way. Issan is not a popular tourist destination. It’s the most populous but poorest  province most of the people are peasants and the majority of the prostitutes in Patpong etc. are dark Issan girls. I didn’t see anything particularly beautiful in the dry flat northeastern state.

At the station we took the song-teow to a suburb where of large villas and houses. At the gate to meet us was Sunny’s half-sister Sai. There were plenty of hugs around and their two large Labradors were sniffing and slobbering us up. I was looking at Sai, she was dark for a look-krueng (darker than me) taller and with sharper features than Sunny. She soon caught me looking at her “Hi there…I’m…” “yeah, I know” She smiled  “I heard about you” she said as she slinked off. 

Once inside their center I met a couple of japs, which took me by surprise, you never know when these guys will pop up. “Uh yeah so what are you doing here man?” I asked one poor lost looking countryman. “ Uh yeah right.. don’t really know uh…” He had thick hair going everywhere like Beethoven or something his eyes where also going everywhere. “So are you enjoying life here in Thailand?” I asked “ uhh right.. yeah why not? I mean before… it was real tough… but hopefully its getting better…yeah” “How do you mean by tough?” I had a hard time understanding him he looked he was high “ Well.. I mean like some..things.. came up and stuff” I didn’t hear what those things were cause in walked his girlfriend a furiously red-headed freckled american bird, his face went from yellow to white I thought he was going to faint. “And how goes it with you sister?” I said charmingly as I gave her an affectionate hug. She didn’t answer she just raised one eyebrow cocked her head to the side. I thought it would be a good time to step out for a drink of water.

In the kitchen I saw a little fellow with spectacles digging around a cupboard. “Hey there..” I put on a patronizingly sweet tone. “Hello, you must be new around here” I was surprised to find a techno-geek from Tokyo talking back instead of a boy up past his bedtime. “You’re from Japan? Great.. I was just...” He went on, I nodded “ I’ll just go wash my cup” I said and left. Standing in front of the sink was Sai she was wearing a blue skirt her legs were long, firm, and tanned. “So where do you come from?” I asked as I handed her my plastic cup.  

The next day I was out with Sai at the university of Khon Kaen we were meeting students and personally inviting them to the youth event they were holding that evening on campus. The students were sweet smiling people they all said they’d love to come. Thais never turn you down but they don’t always show up either. I was just enjoying getting to know the young people in Khon Kaen (they’re a lot less sophisticated then in Bangkok) I was also getting to know more about Sai. “My mom is Indonesian, that’s why I’m dark” she said “charming..really” I smiled as I handed a photocopied flyer to a passing  student.

In the evening the little event started. They had rented a room in a hall and had set up a sort of stage with the band equipment on far end. Jean was a large american who liked the sound of his own voice and his big expensive guitar he had a  dark little sidekick and a Thai friend backing him up. My muddlehaired countryman was providing the beat. After watching them for a bit it was time for all the other ESL stuff like icebreaker games, dances, getting people to laugh etc it was all old stuff for me. I acted in an impromptu sketch with some sort of moral value but it a bit vague. At the end we just went around and talked. Everyone seemed to have a good time the students were laughing at my Thai and asking me about Japan. I had a smashing pair of green tennis shoes that got alot of compliments, Thais go wild over colours. By the time we were packed to go it was midnight.