#1 12-5-2017 9:05 PM

Wishin2Travel
Brian
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
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Friend bailed on travel plans...

I have been planning a trip overseas with a friend of mine for the last 3-4 months. Travel itinerary had been pretty much layed out, dates set, confirmed time off of work, etc. We were supposed to have been booking our airfare and ground transportation this week when she drops a bombshell. She said she was not ready to book and that she hadn’t been saving any money so she could not afford the trip.

She doesn’t make a ton of money and a I completely understand that a $2000 trip was pushing her limits. However to have hidden this fact from me really upsets me. She had never once mentioned it was an issue, had been involved in the planning and seemed just as excited as I was. She did not have any particular reasons for not saving, other than a pretty full social calendar.

If she had been honest and upfront, I think I would be more understanding.

I don’t have any other options for travel companions, and traveling overseas alone for the first time scares me, so basically my entire trip is down the toilet.

Am I a bad friend or selfish for being so angry and upset?

 

#2 12-5-2017 9:59 PM

Lotus28
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

You have a right to be upset or angry at whatever you want. Even if people say that you're selfish, so what?
You don't have to pretend not to be upset even if you actually are.

However, she can choose to spend on whatever she wants to. She may have not been as excited as you were about the trip and she may have wanted to spend on something else. It's totally up to her and it's something that you can't control. She should have said that to you earlier but she may have been having a hard time to start to tell that to you.

I personally recommend you to stop rely on your friend and plan a trip on your own if you really want to go.
In the past, I have been on traveling alone numerous times and always had good times. Not anyone can have 3-4 months of traveling and I would definitely recommend you not to lose that chance if you can afford to it.
Speaking from my own experience, you will definitely meet some nice people along the way and you may gain a new good friend through traveling. If you are worried about something, you can ask anything on this forum so people here are willing to help you on that.
I personally think that you won't be upset with your friend anymore after your trip :-)

 

#3 12-5-2017 10:09 PM

planxty
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London, England
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Did you say friend?  I think that should read EX-friend as I think her actions were completely selfish and deceitful and in your position I would want nothing further to do with her.

I do agree with Nobuko about "flying solo".  I rarely travel with anyone else (except one particular friend) and I don't see a problem with it.  I can understand your nervousness about going alone for the first time but remember that there will have to be a first time sooner or later or else there won't be any other times.  Don't just dismiss it out of hand, have a good look at where you are going, research it well and then decide whether or not you can do it alone.

At least you have the advantage of not having laid out money yet if I have read this correctly.

Best of luck.

 

#4 12-5-2017 10:36 PM

stefmuts
Stefanie
Neerpelt, Belgium
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Selfish for being angry and upset? No, not at all!
If that happened to me, I would burst into a rant that she would not even want to be my friend anymore!

As for the trip itself I agree with the others, go solo! If you're scared you wouldn't like it you can Always built-in the 'fly back early' option but don't let it all go to waste!

 

#5 12-5-2017 11:30 PM

Kathrin_E
Kathrin
Karlsruhe, Germany
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

To me this sounds as if she is somehow scared about the whole project, or maybe about travelling with you, and the money issue is just a welcome excuse.

Where "overseas" are you planning to go? I am using present tense on purpose! Depending on the destination/s there may well be no reason to be scared of going by yourself. Solo travel has several big advantages (hasn't there been a recent, long thread about exactly this?). This forum, people's reviews and blogs will certainly help you with the planning if necessary - but after several months of preparation you certainly have your info together already. Rethink this option before you flush the toilet...

 

#6 12-5-2017 11:54 PM

sarahelaine
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Manchester, England
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

I'd be very upset.  Not that she couldn't go, but that she didn't mention it in all those months of planning.  That wasn't fair, and it wasn't adult, and actually, not mentioning it is selfish. 

But you should think about going anyway.  And I'm saying this as a woman, who was absolutely tiny when I did my solo travel.  The world is not as scary as people make out, and most places are full of friendly, helpful people, both locals and other travellers.

Crime against the person and terrorism are both vanishingly rare, pickpocketing is easy to mitigate against.  There's hardly a corner of the planet that doesn't have fluent English speakers around somewhere, these days, and with phone apps for maps and transport getting lost or in trouble is actually quite hard work.  If you're worried about being alone, it can be hard to get someone to accompany you for months on end, but you can usually arrange to travel with someone you meet in a hostel to the next stop on your list, or meet someone from this site for a coffee and a tour when you get to a city (it'll be worth getting chatting to people now, on these forums in particular, so they're happy about meeting you!).  And you can practice "travel" skills like eating alone and starting conversations at home before you go - just pick an unfamiliar town or city and go there on your own for lunch or a coffee and start conversations.  There are loads of threads in these forums on solo travel to give you some tips to get you started.

Seriously, think about going alone.  Don't let one flakey person kill a dream.

 

#7 12-6-2017 7:28 AM

Dymphna
Lee Ann
Montana, United States
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Be glad you found out now and not after you have booked and spent the money. This is not a person you want to rely on. If she will do this about this issue, she will do it on other things. It is not something you want to live with.

This is Travel Buddy .... You might be able to hook up with people in the different places you want to go and meet up. We used to do those kinds of things on VT. I remember putting together a dinner in NYC when I went and we had a great time. And a camping trip with another couple here in Montana to see a ghost town.

 

#8 12-6-2017 7:47 AM

Wishin2Travel
Brian
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

planxty wrote:

I can understand your nervousness about going alone for the first time but remember that there will have to be a first time sooner or later or else there won't be any other times.  Don't just dismiss it out of hand, have a good look at where you are going, research it well and then decide whether or not you can do it alone.

^ Thank you for that!

I really appreciate everyone's words of encouragement! Such a frustrating situation, I had to vent somewhere. I am going to take a few weeks to reconfigure some of the plans, but I think I will make the trip alone.

Looks like there is a TravBuddy meetup in London in June, which I am going to add into my plans!

I have dubbed the next decade of my life as my "Traveling Thirties" and you all are right, I cannot let anyone ruin that for me!

 

#9 12-6-2017 8:10 AM

shavy
Belinda
Belgium
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Too bad for your friend she let you down, I would be very upset if someone do that to me and I will not talk to her anymore

Go ahead with your plan, let her see you can manage to travel alone. I understand travelling solo for the first time is scary. I was 18 when starting my solo trip overseas, I’m very scared and nervous but once I get to my destination everything was fine. You’re not alone out there, the world is full with single travellers and once you’ve done in it one time you never relying on travel companion

 

#10 12-6-2017 8:14 AM

shavy
Belinda
Belgium
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Wishin2Travel wrote:

I really appreciate everyone's words of encouragement! Such a frustrating situation, I had to vent somewhere. I am going to take a few weeks to reconfigure some of the plans, but I think I will make the trip alone.

Looks like there is a TravBuddy meetup in London in June, which I am going to add into my plans!

Yes a TB meet up in London held on June 16 see you there.

Last edited by shavy (12-6-2017 1:00 PM)

 

#11 12-6-2017 11:29 AM

Toonsarah
Sarah
London Borough of Ealing, United Kingdom
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Wishin2Travel wrote:

planxty wrote:

I can understand your nervousness about going alone for the first time but remember that there will have to be a first time sooner or later or else there won't be any other times.  Don't just dismiss it out of hand, have a good look at where you are going, research it well and then decide whether or not you can do it alone.

^ Thank you for that!

I really appreciate everyone's words of encouragement! Such a frustrating situation, I had to vent somewhere. I am going to take a few weeks to reconfigure some of the plans, but I think I will make the trip alone.

Looks like there is a TravBuddy meetup in London in June, which I am going to add into my plans!

I have dubbed the next decade of my life as my "Traveling Thirties" and you all are right, I cannot let anyone ruin that for me!

I agree with everyone else. I too would be very upset if a friend did this, but if you cancel too you would be letting it have an even greater impact on you. I'll be at that meet in June and will be happy to say hello and answer any questions you have about visiting London, either there or in advance if you post in the forum. Maybe planxty will make it too???!! We have a tradition of jointly hosting VT meets here :-)

 

#12 12-6-2017 2:21 PM

planxty
Fergy
London, England
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Thanks for your comment Brian.

Certainly I shall be at the meeting in June in London if I am here but I have a habit of disappearing overseas (on my own, I might add) so who knows?  I could be in Outer Mongolia by then (does anyone know what the weather is like in Mongolia that time of year?)

Seriously though, as my mate Sarah says, fire away with any questions about London.  I have lived here for 30 years but she has me beaten by a mile as she was born and raised here, I am merely a "blow in".  Between us, we will know most things about London or, if not, at least we'll know where to find the answers.

Let us know what you decide on.

 

#13 12-6-2017 3:07 PM

Kathrin_E
Kathrin
Karlsruhe, Germany
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

The weather in Outer Mongolia will certainly be horrible at that time of the year wink

Last edited by Kathrin_E (12-6-2017 3:07 PM)

 

#14 12-6-2017 9:17 PM

farquar79
nikki
Liverpool, England
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Wishin2Travel wrote:

I have been planning a trip overseas with a friend of mine for the last 3-4 months. Travel itinerary had been pretty much layed out, dates set, confirmed time off of work, etc. We were supposed to have been booking our airfare and ground transportation this week when she drops a bombshell. She said she was not ready to book and that she hadn’t been saving any money so she could not afford the trip.

She doesn’t make a ton of money and a I completely understand that a $2000 trip was pushing her limits. However to have hidden this fact from me really upsets me. She had never once mentioned it was an issue, had been involved in the planning and seemed just as excited as I was. She did not have any particular reasons for not saving, other than a pretty full social calendar.

If she had been honest and upfront, I think I would be more understanding.

I don’t have any other options for travel companions, and traveling overseas alone for the first time scares me, so basically my entire trip is down the toilet.

Am I a bad friend or selfish for being so angry and upset?

I have waited years for people to want to go to places I have wanted to go and what a waste of time that was, I have been planning my first solo trip for february and I'm heading to Thailand for a month. I think if its something you really want to do you can manage it.
Everyone on here has been amazing, my original plan was one of those backpacker holidays, until people here made me realise whats the worst thing that can happen, worst comes to worst I will come home early, (I do not see that happening) I have loose plans for my travelling and I can do as I please without having to please another person.

"It's better to look back on life and say "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say: "I wish I did that"

 

#15 12-6-2017 9:20 PM

farquar79
nikki
Liverpool, England
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Oh and if you're travelling to the UK and find yourself in Liverpool I can show you some sites, keep planning and go for it smile

 

#16 12-7-2017 6:57 AM

surfoz
Perth, Australia
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

On face value it appears she burnt u pretty badly dude - its such a dramatic thing to do I'm just wondering if she had some other motivation aside from lack of finances..?

I backed out of a planned trip once cos I felt super uncomfortable about going for some reason - my gf was pretty ticked off and I don't blame her. I know this sounds funky but for some reason I was super stressed out about going on this trip and jus didn't wanna do it ..three months later I went quite happily and was brilliant - in the same situation I would back out again if I needed to as I always follow my instinct.

 

#17 12-7-2017 8:49 AM

jethanad
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

get upset

get over it

get on with your own life

smile

 

#18 12-7-2017 1:31 PM

Wishin2Travel
Brian
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

farquar79 wrote:

Oh and if you're travelling to the UK and find yourself in Liverpool I can show you some sites, keep planning and go for it smile

I might just take you up on that! I am readjusting my plans now but I have two weeks to spend. Looking at London, Liverpool, Manchester, Cardiff, Glasgow, Isle of Skye, Iverness and Edinburgh, with stops in some smaller cities along the way.

Originally we were just doing London, and the going into France, Belgium and Netherlands. If I am going alone, I want to relax a bit more and see most of the UK, at a nicer pace.

Also, thank you for the advice. I have realized that despite some normal insecurities about traveling abroad for the first time alone, I cannot rely on others to realize my dreams.

Last edited by Wishin2Travel (12-7-2017 1:38 PM)

 

#19 12-7-2017 11:39 PM

cynthiasmiller
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Just go by yourself!  You'll have a great time and you're more likely to meet people when you're by yourself!  It's scary traveling by yourself for the first time, so it's perfect that she waited till the last minute to tell you.  Now there's more pressure for you to do so which wouldn't have been there in the first place.  See the circumstances as a blessing and use what you have.  smile

 

#20 12-8-2017 12:06 AM

sarahelaine
Sarah Elaine
Manchester, England
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Wishin2Travel wrote:

farquar79 wrote:

Oh and if you're travelling to the UK and find yourself in Liverpool I can show you some sites, keep planning and go for it smile

I might just take you up on that! I am readjusting my plans now but I have two weeks to spend. Looking at London, Liverpool, Manchester, Cardiff, Glasgow, Isle of Skye, Iverness and Edinburgh, with stops in some smaller cities along the way.

Originally we were just doing London, and the going into France, Belgium and Netherlands. If I am going alone, I want to relax a bit more and see most of the UK, at a nicer pace.

Also, thank you for the advice. I have realized that despite some normal insecurities about traveling abroad for the first time alone, I cannot rely on others to realize my dreams.

I am Manchester’s number one fan, and can go onandonandon about how it is about the best city to live in anywhere, but it’s not an obvious destination for a traveller- unless you are very into music or football/soccer- many people would have chosen the prettier medieval city of York over our post industrial brick city. York has a castle, medieval streets and a majestic cathedral, we have attitude and street art and more interesting shopping. If you want any Manchester tips let me know- I love it here but i’m always slightly surprised to see a visitor!

Really glad to see you considering Glasgow, though- it’s fantastic, and very under rated. Edinburgh is one of the most beautiful cities in the world and I adore it but Glasgow is also well worth the trip in its own right and a much better gateway for the Highlands smile

 

#21 12-11-2017 6:19 AM

Sept922
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

Going at a slower pace on your own is a GREAT decision! If you get to have a few hours with some of the UK members who contribute here then you will for sure get a great tour and local feel! This may be a blessing in disguise that she bailed. Don't hold it against her too long but she does owe you an apology.
Last year I was planning a 7 week South America trip with a mate but there was always an outside chance he could not go. Well he couldn't and at the last minute I switched it to a Mediterranean trip and met up with friends and had a great time! And do see Manchester! Why not! Not many get the local everyday tips that you will get here!! Good luck!

 

#22 Today 8:59 AM

tombom07
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Re: Friend bailed on travel plans...

I haven't read all of the responses but you have every right to feel how you do.

However, if I was in your position I would just go anyway. Solo travel has to be the most liberating thing you can do. It's scary of course. I travelled solo for 18 months a few years back and I'm taking a four-month-long backpacking trip in a few weeks to Central America yet I'm still terrified! Probably even more so than I was the first time. Once you've taken the first step it gets easier. Do it! Good luck!

 

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