The Cavendish Hotel

Look, it is a two-star, so we didn't expect much. We got a twin room with the view in the picture. The shower and toilet worked and we got the little shampoo and shower gel bottles. Tea and coffee were provided, but no biscuits. We were only looking for somewhere to sleep and at £25 for the room with "breakfast", it was fine.

If you have ever wonder what it was like to go on holiday in the UK in the 80's, then this place makes a perfect choice. It has a games room - with a pool and table tennis table, even if there was really only space for one of them. Anybody who has ever tried to take a pool shot on a table that is about a metre from a wall will know exactly what I mean.

There area couple of bars that, on the night we were there, were catering for a chav wedding. That means inappropriate wedding attire, slappers and old folks making lewd comments to thirty-something guests.

The afore-mentioned breakfast was delivered by SS waitresses. No such thing as a buffet here. If you go, eschew the "full English" - for me, a sausage, some bacon, a rubber egg and some floury black pudding do not a full English make. However, you might be treated to the Groom threatening to beat up a Polish waiter for being rude to the Bride's aunt.

It's no wonder all the Eastern Europeans are returning home.