Marrakech Survival Guide

If you hear "Bilek! Bilek!", jump out of the way before you get run over by a donkey cart.

Stay near the square - you'll need many breaks away from the chaos and a place to dump your stuff.

Don't drink the orange juice (second hand info).

Nothing is free - but it's still cheap. Let them put snakes and monkeys on you the first day, makes for great pics - pay them 1/2 to 2/3 what they ask and they'll be happy enough. After that, you'll know better... but remember why you came!

Faux guides are everywhere, they establish a rapport with you then take advantage of your sense of fairness. But you should know that guiding like this is illegal - Morocco has a special branch of police to protect the tourists from too much harassment. If you can't shake your guide, mention something about whether the police might be interested in what's going on, and I'll bet they take off.

Be friendly, but firm if you don't want whatever it is they're selling. They still like to chat... remember why you came. If you want a good conversation with an easy way out, chat with someone who's stuck minding the shop and you can escape whenever you want.

I read that you can shake pests by giving them a wag of the finger and saying "La!" which is Arabic for no. Didn't try it... but I did call a couple guys for lying to me and gave them a scolding, it seemed to work.

Taxis rarely want to use the meter - you can ask them to BEFORE you get in, if they don't want to, find another cab. Or if you don't care about getting slightly burned (we're talking $3 rather than $2 here), negotiate the price BEFORE you get in. Never had anyone reneg on a deal once the ride is over.

Tell the restaurant "touts" that you just ate and they'll leave you be.

Insh'allah means god willing - you can always say maybe later, insh'allah - they'll get it. Inside joke for a few: insh'allah is Moroccan for "maybe so". ;-)

Watch out for cars, scooters, bikes, motorcycles... they go everywhere and rarely use lights at night. In general you need to keep alert because it's so easy to get distracted.

Always keep some change in your pocket, and small bills. Nobody in Morocco ever has change... but if you ask if they have change BEFORE you give the money to them (sensing a trend yet?), they'll magically find some.

If they don't have what you want, often they'll have you wait while they go to another shop... I usually didn't stick around long enough to see what happens next, but one time it worked out OK.

If you have a vague idea what you're looking for, but want to look more before buying, tell them you're just looking or they'll give you 10,000 reasons why you should buy it from them. Once you know you can find what you want in the shop, then ask them to show it to you and see what kind of a deal you can get.

Start by offering 1/2 what they ask, and go from there. They might say "this is good price" but that means nothing. But I found some actually do give you a reasonably fair price upfront, so if they don't want to haggle it still might be a good deal. Remember why you came...

Smile a lot, laugh at yourself and don't worry that they're taking advantage of you every time you turn around. If you're happy with the price and like what you see, who cares if you could have gotten it a little cheaper...

If you like music and want a great experience, find a circle with some talent and hang around a little, they'll spot you and come over with a hat or drum - throw in some change and they'll invite you to sit. It's okay to video at this point, but keep the donations coming. If you want an even better experience, think of how much you spent on your last concert ticket, and cough up 20-50 dirhams which is about 2-5 US dollars... for that, you'll be the toast of the circle, they might bring you tea, might pull you up to dance... it's so worth it! Tell them how much you love Morocco and you'll make lots of friends!