Grand Palladium Punta Cana Resort & Spa

I always check online for reviews before I ever book a hotel, and I figured it was time to give someone else the favor of writing a review. Everyone has their own perspective, but here is where mine comes from. I travel for a living, so I have ALOT of hotel history, I am a little picky about food, and I am not a huge fan of eating at a buffet. I had always been against "all inclusive" resorts (I like to be out in the local area, not stuck in one place) but I tried it this time, so this is my first experience at an all inclusive. That being said, here's my review.
The Location of this hotel, is AMAZING. The place is massive. We ended up with a deluxe room, (basic room) third floor overlooking the pool and a bit of the ocean. The landscaping is wonderful, beaches are fantastic and very well taken care of. Keep in mind, it still isn't a 5 star resort, but is is very nice.
Service is GREAT, there are a few of course who don't smile, or never say a word, but the language barrier is larger here than what I would have expected, my rudimentary spanish (I speak a small amount, not even conversational tho) was appreciated and even considered endearing a bit I suppose. You are dealing with a large resort, with lots of people, so sometimes you have to wait a little bit for drinks/service, but not for a lack of trying on their part. The staff is truly a great staff. HOLA!
The Rooms. Beds are VERY average. Old, hard and flat. I didn't get a "gross" feeling sleeping on them, but they are far from nice, other than that, clean, basic, accommodations. I would say this is a 2-3 star resort in this area.
The food. I struggled a bit here. I totally understand it's hard to serve a large group of people, 3 times a day, who are from all over the world with different food types. BUT, the buffets were pretty bad. Lots of fried food, temperatures of the food were warm to cold. with the exception of the FRESH egg station for breakfast. There were some items that were great, but few and far between. Keep in mind, DR is not known for their cooking, kind of like Costa Rica. YOU MUST eat at the al carte restaurants at night. Men are required to wear long pants. This will be the only time you feel like you are eating a real meal (ie not a buffet) The food is better, and overall a better option for dinner. If you like fried foods, and buffet eating, you will most likely like the food here. If you don 't, you'll be happy to get home to a normal meal.
The Ocean. Not worth bringing snorkeling gear. But awesome for getting wet in. The advertised free water sports, is a JOKE. They won't let you do any of them except kayak unless you take one of their "classes" to get yourself up to speed. Ie, if you want to take a small catamaran or wind surf, you can't unless you can prove your experience. I have some, although not alot, so I didn't appreciate not being able to go play. Also, the ONLY way to get a good spot on the beach is to get up at 6:30am and go reserve your spot with towels. It's lame.
The entertainment. Telemundo on Steroids is what we called it. We had fun with it, and there is some great talent/dancers. but the shows are a little hokey. The sound system is very poor. The shows: The Ideal Couple, Miss/Mr Palladium, Michael Jackson Show are pretty good, and very funny. The Halloween show is beyond bad. Like I said, we had fun, drank lots and just didn't have expectations. The one nightclub on site is....OK. doesn't open till 11:30pm, goes til...2 or 3 am. May have been bad timing on our part, but we walked in right around opening and the place REEKED of puke. I mean REALLY BAD. I managed a bar for years thru college, and I still go clubbing, so I can hang, but this place smelled so bad we almost left. Again, maybe bad timing on our part, but I don't think so. I do like salsa music, etc, but after hearing it all day at the pools and and bars, I would have like a bit more hip-hop and dance music.
Who will like this resort?: Older/old people. Families. Conservative couples. We're 34. not on honeymoon, just came for fun. This is NOT a place for singles, young people, and couples if you want a young, fun crowd. The resort is not geared to be HIP, it's geared towards an older crowd. Minus the kids, we were some of the youngest people there, VERY small 20's/30's crowd. May have been the time frame, but I hesitate to believe that.
Tips for your stay. Bring big mugs to drink from. the little glasses you get from the bar are gone before you sit back down again (I drink fast), The WIRELESS internet is free in the lobbies, but very slow, don't expect to post pictures, or video. Bring cash. No one will/likes taking credit cards. We almost didn't have enough, and unless it's a bank, I don't trust ATM's in other countries. We stayed 5 days. That was plenty, unless you want to do as many of the extra activities outside of the hotel as you can. The rooms have an IPOD speaker mount, so bring your IPOD, it should connect so you have music in your room. Get your pool/beach towel early in the morning, they tend to run out for the WHOLE day, after 10-11 am or so. Not cool. The buffet near the casino is the nicest. Cab ride to/from the airport (punta cana) takes about 30 minutes, and is $35 US cash each way. There is a $10 entry fee at the airport, (cash) and $20 cash exit fee at the airport. Give your self at LEAST 2 hours prior to your departure time, 3 hours is better. We did 2 hours prior, and squeezed in on a new line thru security (very lucky, the other line was 4 times longer) and only had about 15 minutes left at the gate before they started boarding.
Final Thought. I would tell someone to visit here once. Just for the experience. But I won't go back. I'll look for something a bit more Hip, with more people in our age range.