El Macho

This is one of the worst place I have ever been to. How did I happen to be there, you may ask. Well, on that evening in Kazan I wanted a) Latin dances b) nachos c) nice cocktails – I don’t think I wanted too much so a place called El Macho attracted me. Never trust names, I say to myself.

The place positions itself as a “karaoke bar” and a disco. Perfect, thought I, and was totally wrong. As I approached it I saw an unfriendly security guard who told me that there was no disco. He was standing just below the ad saying “Latin Disco Tonight”. When I asked why the man said, “Because it is raining”. “Was it going to be an outdoor one?” I asked. “No”, he said. “Why then?” I asked again. “Just because”, was his answer. Disappointed but still curious I went in. It was really raining so I decided just to have some nachos and then go to another place to dance. What I saw was a rather big room and the only guests were a group of 4 people enjoying their hookah. OK, at least I had no problem with finding a table.

I took my seat and opened the menu. No nachos!!! OK, chicken wings then. When I asked about cocktails the waitresss told me to go the bar and order there. I was too lazy to do it and asked for a mojito (for benchmark). The only entertainment I had while waiting for my oder was a big TV screen displaying something odd about Africa in a Madagascar cartoon style. Then the barman came up to me and asked whether I was bored (in some other situation I would think he was just trying to pick me up) and then proudly said that they had karaoke. I was not in the mood to sing (well, my stage is my bathroom) and just thanked him. Then he said, “Do you want me to sing for you?” Oh guy you failed to impress me but I said, “Yes please”. He seemed not to expect such a reaction from a quiet girl like me and looked at me scaried. As you understand I never heard a song dedicated to me.

Then I got my oder. Oh… the wings were really wings, just 2 of them, decorated with some cheap ketchup on the top. They looked so miserable that I even felt sorry for a poor chicken that must have suffering from starvation. But it was nothing as compared with my mojito. Take a lime, cut it in quarters, put in the smallest glass you have, add some mint, lemonade and very little alcohol – and you will get mojito El Macho Kazan style. No taste at all!

I left the place totally upset and put it on my Never-In-My-Life List.