Bail House & Mews Hotel Lincoln (England)

We booked this hotel because it advertised a heated swimming pool so we were astonished to find an above-ground climb-a-ladder-to-get-in arrangement. It is small enough that if you push off from one end, you will easily reach the other end without using any swimming stroke. When we told the "manager" we thought we had been missold, she said there was a photograph of it on the web site, so she evidently thought it was up to us to research and see through their exaggerated claims. We were staying in their "feature" room, with the amazing crook beam ceiling etc. What the web site hadn't emphasised was that the shower enclosure was in the room, not in the en-suite bathroom. Complete with clear glass walls, it provides entertainment to rival the 42" TV. Also in the room was a bizarre assortment of mismatched furniture, much of which you couldn't reach without manouevring something else out of the way. In the corner of the room was a massive safe, about a two foot cube. Not for our use, apparently. In fact it seemed that they had dumped all their spare furniture in the room, including a bureau you couldn't get to, the top of an old office desk and some kind of table top left on top of the safe. One of the two windows was screwed shut. The amazing beams held an amazing amount of dust and all the fittings were of IKEA standard rather than anything more tasteful or luxurious. The bed was comfortable but had only one bedside cabinet / lamp so we had one morning cup of tea balanced on the stainless steel pedal bin. When my wife wanted to use the cheap little hairdryer we found in a drawer, she had to crawl to plug it in and move the furniture about to get a mirror close enough to the plug. NOT the kind of convenience or attention to detail we expect in five star accommodation.